How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
