Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize