..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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