It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
