I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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