hell yes lets make some ravioli
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
