Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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