Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
