3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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