We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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