So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
