I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
