you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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