Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
