Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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