the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize