kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
