weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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