I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
