just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
