fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
