So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
