i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
