I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
