This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
