i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
