I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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