Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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