I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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