Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He shit in the fireplace
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
