dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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