By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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