i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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