Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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