dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
