Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
