how can u be prego again
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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