I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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