we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
