Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
