you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
