You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
