Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
