Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
