Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
