$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think your dad took our porno
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
