I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
