And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize