That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
