In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize