i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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