Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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