You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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