its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
