I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She bit a glass in half.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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