I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize