can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
