just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
