This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
