Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
