theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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