Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
