I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
