Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
