i think my mom watched the whole time
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
