Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
