yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
