honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
