I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
