Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
