The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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